The plot is the same of the 1976 classic “Poseidon Adventure.” Only the name, like the quality of the characters has been shortened to one word, or in this case, one dimensional. When an ocean cruiser sinks on New Years eve, a group of characters leave the ‘bubble safe’ ballroom, climbing to the top (which was once the bottom) of a now upside down ship, in hopes of escaping. Josh Lucas as the movie’s star, has the plan, Kurt Russell (an ex mayor turned firefighter, for no apparent reason) is his right hand man, while Russell’s daughter (“Phantom of the Opera’s” Emmy Rossum) is torn between her father and her determination to marry her boyfriend (Mike Vogel). Richard Dreyfuss plays a recently-broken-up-with gay architect (something we wouldn’t have seen in the original) and Jacinda Barrett plays a hysterical mom to her little boy (Jimmy Bennett). And so our handful of hopefuls are tossed into complete mayhem within twenty minutes of the movie’s opening. This ain’t no “Titanic” where we fall madly in love with Rose and Jack. As a matter of fact, these characters have to hold their breath underwater, the way we feel forced to fall in love with them. The movie is all about the boat, the technical genius and special effects, with a director (Wolfgang Peterson) at the ship’s helm, since he is a true water baby (“Das Boot” and “The Perfect Storm”). The movie’s real star is the sinking ship, which makes our characters cling to two choices: death or death. That’s what keeps this movie afloat. An unspoken attitude of at least we’ll die trying. Oh, and one final thought, there is no Shelly Winters fat-lady-singing. Instead, these women look great wet. TWO CROWNS
