It’s the year 2089, Scotland, when two scientific explorers (Noomi Rapace and Logan Marshall-Green) mess with humankind. Somehow in the process… all hell breaks loose. And ships break loose. And Aliens break loose. And, well… you get the picture. Or not. Director Ridley Scott tackles a prequel-esque story of his classic 1979 sci fi masterpiece Alien except for most of this film you don’t know who you’re rooting for or why. And the extraterrestrial vagina-shaped creatures are just plain annoying.
That is until about three quarters of the way thru, when Noomi Rapace becomes the Energizer bunny. She keeps going and going, getting all Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on us (remember she starred in the original European sub-titled version). There’s even a moment where her intensity rivals the original “Alien” star Sigourney Weaver. Although Weaver didn’t perform her own (spoiler alert) Cesarean!
But it’s Charlize Theron who fails us in an unnecessary role as the Prometheusian Princess who saunters around barking commands at her crew. Last week she was the Wicked Queen in Snow White and the Huntsman, this week she’s the Ice Princess of Prometheus. Michael Fassbender is a robotic Ice King – he “hasn’t a soul” – so it’s hard to interpret what he’s feeling (he was far more enjoyable as the naked sex addict in Shame), but we do know – for god knows what reason – he wants to mirror Peter O’Toole in Lawrence of Arabia! Guy Pearce takes on a revolting role as the unrecognizable father in command or in other words….the old man withering, dying and offering nothing to the story line. Somebody should get him a toenail clipper!
What we do have (despite a lame script from The Darkest Hour scribe) are stunning visuals. It’s good there was something to look at. Ridley Scott loves his glacieresque views. When all is said and done about this film, you’ll never be scared. Just bored. The lamest movie on the planet (no pun intended, perhaps its why they move on to another one). And how many times can one watch a vaginal creature go berserk? Two tiaras