Elise Ward (Angelina Jolie) is an exotic, sexy and mysterious creature who roams the streets of Paris being fought and sought after by detectives, Interpol, the CIA, you name it. When she stops at a café for her afternoon latte, a note is left at her table from a mysterious man named Alexander who instructs her to board a train for Venice. While on the train, she must find a man who fits his physical build and description in order to confuse her pursuers, and in order to save/stash the gazillions of dollars/euros/pounds he owes in back taxes (okay, whatever. Just a day in the life of any woman, right?) And so our fancy fatale boards the train, passes handsome men, and happens upon a widowed math teacher, Frank Tupelo( Johnny Depp). He’s her bait. Depp plays amusingly befuddled yet carries an air of mystery similar to a former character he played in Don Juan DeMarco. Is he really just a school teacher? The movie has all the makings of fantastic…Paris, Venice, Depp and Jolie, but the filmmaker Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck crams Jolie’s beauty down our throats, forcing us to find her sexy in every single shot instead of letting us discover that on our own. And let’s face it, while she’s exotic and gorgeous… kick-butt Jolie a.k.a. Laura Croft is a far cry from the elegant Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn, no matter how much she tries, how high her stilettos, or how pouty those red lips. And speaking of trying, the film tries to be something it’s not, but somehow that’s okay. Its audience will be paperback-romance-reading women – ages 30-50 – anxious for a fantasy getaway, to escape the mechanics of daily life, and that’s exactly what they get…European backdrops and American cheesiness. Jolie, for all her corniness in this role, comes off as a fearless woman with a British accent who has a James Bond edge, glittering jewels, five star hotel room keys and couture ball gowns (not to mention Johnny Depp at her beck and call.) For what it’s worth and that’s not much, it doesn’t really matter, I still give it three tiaras
